Fireworks until it doesn't
The delicate balancing of independence and interdependence
I’m part of a hippie choir in Asheville called “Hark!” It’s led by a thin, quirky and charismatic guy named Yuri Woodstock. He organizes us into a big circle and teaches us the harmonies, then we get to choose which part we want to sing. From the chaos of a mass of individuals, over time and with practice, a chorus of harmonious sounds emerges. The process brings joy to us all.
A couple sessions ago we learned a song called Obligation (by Laurence Cole) that sticks with me. Sometimes I sing it while I am teaching yoga, sometimes in the car with Lisa, sometimes when I am in awe of nature. The lyrics are simple:
Everything lives in obligation to everything that lives.
While the altos and baritones sing that, the sopranos, tenors, and bass harmonies sing:
Every, everything in all creation, everything, everything is alive!
Here’s a video I recorded on my GoPro of us performing the song as a flash mob at an Asheville Christmas boutique:
Speaking of holidays, today is the Fourth of July. Sitting on a barstool at my kitchen counter, typing these words into my Macbook, drinking my morning coffee with oat creamer, the song is echoing in my head.
Lots of my friends cheekily call this American holiday “Interdependence Day.” It’s a beautiful sentiment, while simultaneously cringey enough to ensure we get labeled as libtards. As we should.
Without libtards, the MAGA cult would have no enemy to define themselves by. There is interdependence even in adversarial relationships. Without the British empire there would be no American Revolution, and without subjugation no need for a Declaration of Independence.
Still we cling to the idea of independence. It’s a powerful way to manipulate ego. Ego wants to believe it can pull itself up by its own bootstraps. The idea is crazy. Without relationship, there is no up, nothing to pull towards, no boots to strap.
For most of my life my ego has wanted to stand out on its own. Like many of us, I felt so rejected by my peers as a child that I developed coping mechanisms to protect my heart.
I had a paper route and walked the neighborhood with a cloth bag delivering newspapers. It was boring and often miserable when the snow and rain came. There were no podcasts or smart phones back then, so I was left with my imagination.
I created stories in my mind of myself as a superhero or a rock star. In the superhero myths, I lived on Jupiter and was a saviour to my people. That was before I knew Jupiter was a gas giant, of course. The rock star fantasies were more Earth-based. I was a handsome guitar wizard who wrote incredible songs and was adored by my peers.
Oddly, I now get off at the Jupiter exit on Route 26 to get to my house, where I play guitar and write songs. Interdepending with my past.
The ego monster that I grew began to believe the stories I created. Not literally, the way my mom believes that Jesus actually rose from the dead. In a more subtle way, like I was the star of the show and the people around me were supporting actors.
One regret in my life is that I was so independent that I didn’t appreciate teamwork. I wasn’t able to live my rock-n-roll dreams because I never learned to play in a band. I would sit at home and play guitar solos, imagining myself on stage. Then I would go out and get drunk, hoping it would give me the courage to meet my soulmate. The ego monster would emerge and destroy any chance of true connection. Loneliness becomes a feedback loop.
The wisdom that comes with growing old is humbling. Or perhaps humility is itself a type of wisdom. Years of lost friendships have taught me that I am no better or worse than anyone else. I have fallen short of my goals again and again because I try to go it alone. Not recognizing the talents and support in the people around me.
Even now, as I write, there is a voice in my head wanting to be loved by you, the reader. But I no longer put myself above you. I am becoming aware that we are more similar than seperate. It is the sorrow and regret that I share that connects us, more than any unique brilliance in me.
The American ideal of independence serves to isolate us. The libtards and the MAGAs need to come realize our interdependence. I don’t know how and I don’t know when. There is a fascist takeover happening, the ICE agents in masks are just the modern gestapo. The othering of immigrants, the USAID cuts that will cost more lives than the holocaust, the gutting of Medicaid health care and food programs. We are becoming an ugly and repulsive nation.
United we stand, divided we fall. Let’s join hands.
Baby Zora loved the beautiful song in the video featured.